You Know You're a Rookie Mom When....

The garage door lowers to the ground and we enter the house after an eventful day.  Greeted by our faithful mutt, Mr. Cheeks and I begin the evening routine.  A half-eaten dinner and strewn toys adorn our first floor.  Ignoring the mess, we head upstairs for the bedtime rituals.  I'd already decided against a bath tonight - not sure if that makes me a negligent mommy, but I just didn't have the energy to say "boat" five hundred times this evening.  

And it begins.  The silly game of "you can't get me to that changing table - I'm the gingerbread man".  Luckily, our lovely home doesn't include a very large nursery and Mr. Cheeks is dead in the water within seconds.  However, he ends up on the changing table MAD.  Not really sure why - I guess because his ninja-esque moves failed him.  Regardless, the retaliation comes in the form of yanking on my dainty gold earing with all his might.  Ouch.  After releasing his Doberman-like grip, he goes for my hair, and I was frankly in disbelief.  No, not the first agressive behavior (hoping it pays off in a football scholarship), but it still suprises me. 

This is where you think to yourself, why don't you come with an instruction manual?  Now What?  I'm mad, you're mad, you hurt me, and something must be done.  I'll spare you the details, but it ended up with him crying himself to sleep.  

I just hate that after being away from the little guy all day during work, I have to use my precious few hours teaching him a lesson and hearing his wails echo through our walls.  Alone.  Hubby is at some Hampton Inn, where I'm sure they know him and his Hilton Honors Card by name.  I jump in a hot shower, hoping to wash the guilt away and telling myself I am doing the right thing.  Turning off the water, reaching for the towel, there are still tears being shed that I know I can't go in and wipe away.

I find the strength to see it through.  The house is quiet now, and Mr. Cheeks has found sleep.  My only comfort is that I know I did the right thing.  Even if the timing is unfortunate for me, discipline needs to happen.  No, it's not easy, but did anyone ever tell you it would be?  They may have handed you a pretty blanket or a slew of adorable Carter's outfits.  I don't ever remember anyone looking at me and saying, "Piece of Cake.  You got this.".  

Tomorrow, we will open the blinds before 7 am as we always do, and practice saying, "Hello World!"  We may even say hello to the trees, the cars, the lights - anything that catches that toddler eye.  We'll have a clean slate, and maybe even be closer to learning to have "gentle hands."  

As a new mom, has discipline been one of your biggest struggles?